Clients come in many shapes and sizes, and of varying intelligences. Some say some things that upon hearing, you just realized you’ve made a mistake. This list goes over the top ten things that you never want to hear from a client.

10. “Can you make it more web 2.0?”

The term Web 2.0 has thrown the design world around. It’s meant to represent user participation, a simple aesthetic and great functionality. Some clients however have it in their head that to be successful they need to have shiny buttons, huge text fields, tons of gradients and some reflections. Not so. You want web 2.0? Make a great, accessible site that does something for people.

9. “Can you make it tech?”

Stop, and glance down at your watch. It’s 2007. Complicated and intricate interfaces with wires and glass orbs and little lightning bolts are totally 2004. don’t get me wrong, when done right it is amazing, but there are few people with that ability, and they either don’t freelance or are way too expensive. What site in this day and age could need an interface like that? Even the awesome designers don’t do it. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should

8. “I need to see the source code before I pay, just to make sure its clean.”

Also known as, “I’m going to steal your source code and not pay”. You programmers out there might’ve hard this once before, and for XHTML/CSS developers it’s always risky business showing your client a full scale, completely working preview. They could run away with it, so it’s important to encrypt your HTML. For programmers, obviously never fall for this and show them your source code. “It works, don’t worry about it” is a nice response, and not edgy.

7. “hai umm liek i n33d a websyte n hav liek 24 $$$”

If you ever get anything close to this, delete the email and blacklist the sender. If it was IM delete them. Always going back to finding trustworthy clients, this is the perfect sign of one that either won’t be able to pay up, will disappear or your comp will turn up on his site mysteriously, with you never handing it over.

6. “I don’t want you to list this in your portfolio.”

There are some jobs that you may finish and after looking at it think, “Ugh, I can’t put my name on this!” And so it never gets to your portfolio. However there are times when you will look back and think, “Damn! I’m raising my prices after this one!” and the client asks you to not list it in your portfolio. For whatever reason, they don’t people to know who designed it, they don’t want to extra traffic or whatever, this one can hurt.

5. “This guy said he’d do it for half the price!”

Awesome! Go to him! Most clients, in fact people in general like to spend less money than they have to. If they think they can bring your quote down, they will. Just stay firm in your pricing, don’t act like a total pushover and you’re on your way. Part of dealing with clients is having to not be submissive and put your foot down when you eating that week is on the line.

4. “Can you add AJAX?”

The thing with AJAX, and even straight up JS for that matter is that non JavaScript programmers just don’t get it. To many, AJAX means the slidey effects and the highlights with all the fading. That’s what they want. In this situation, many let their evil side come out and say, “Of course I can!” as their eyes ring with dollar signs. The ignorant pay up, and it’s totally true.

3. “Can I upload pictures to this blog design?”

I listed a design for sale on SitePoint once. It wasn’t my first time, so I knew the process of removing bad comments or spam, and attending to questions asked. Noted in bold at the top was how this was just a design. A .PSD file. Yet I still get a comment asking if you can upload pictures to this blog design. Remember though, the ignorant pay more

2. “I don’t have the money right now…”

This was a close contender for #1, just getting edged out. What do you mean you don’t have the money? This puts freelancers in a tough position. First of all, they need the money. You can’t just give it over on the client’s promise to pay when they get the money. Do you wait? Take another client as you contemplate the situation? Here you really just need to make sure the client realizes they don’t see one line of code until you see your PayPal balance on the rise.

1. “Sorry to waste your time, we’re going to hire someone else”

The number one, single worst thing you could ever hear after weeks of drafting and comps and revisions is this. Hiring someone else? This comes from the client that manages to get out of a down payment, or you never found trustworthy to begin with. Part of being a freelancer is proper invoicing and following up. This includes down payments and contracts. If the client is skeptical, then they’re not worth it. Contracts protect mutually.

Connor Wilson is a freelance web designer living in Toronto, Ontario.

Filed under: Web Design